Adapted from Kornel Makuszyński and translated into English by Anna Piwowarska
There once lived a Cobbler called Kopytko who was so funny, that you couldn’t even look at him without laughing.
As he was always up to some sort of mischief, his master kept pulling his ears until finally they became so big, that they were almost as big as elephant’s ears. In his ears he kept a variety of things - his work tools as well as all the kinds of things that boys keep in their pockets. So, in his right ear he kept a small penknife, some buttons, some chestnuts and a bobbin of cotton whereas in his left ear he kept his Cobbler’s thread, a little tar, a catapult and twenty stones. As he can probably guess, he was not a good boy as good boys don’t fire from catapults. Once, Kopytko fired his catapult so far that he hit the face of the Moon and knocked out the Moon’s two front teeth. The poor Moon had to hide behind some clouds and appeared in the sky the day with a red, bandaged face.
Another time, Kopytko had to make a pair of shoes for a man who was always in a hurry. And do you know what he did? In the place that was supposed to be the tip of the shoe, he put a heel. So when the customer put on his shoes, instead of going forwards, he took a step backwards. In fact, he couldn’t move at all and finally died of hunger. Cobbler Kopytko laughed so much at what he’d done that his enormous ears jiggled up and down. And it wasn’t the last time that the Cobbler played a trick on someone.
Another time, when he was in the town-hall there was an amateur production for children. Cobbler Kopytko walked in, stood in front of the stage and started to eat a very sour apple, and because it was so sour he started to pull the most awful expressions, like all his teeth were hurting him. When the actors on the stage, saw this, they themselves started to pull horrible facial expressions. Because that’s how it is - if you see someone eating a sour apple or lemon, you feel like you’re eating it yourself and you start making the same face. It was a horrible prank, which quite frankly ruined everyone’s day and was to no one’s liking.
Kopytko truly was a horrible boy. And because of this, he was punished by being given tar instead of desert. He didn’t deserve anything better. However, this was too light a punishment for the prank that Kopytko pulled on one gentleman. This gentleman came to the Cobbler’s shop for a shoe fitting. As his feet were very big, it took the Master Cobbler as well as twelve other Cobblers to take the fitting, which they did with along piece of wire. Kopytko took advantage of the fact that no on was looking at him and popped a crab into the gentleman’s pocket. When the gentleman put his hand in his pocket, he shouted out so loudly that the Master Cobbler ran away. In fact, when he finally calmed down he turned around and realized that he’d run as far as America and he didn’t even remember crossing the ocean.
This meant that Kopytko no longer had a master so he left his job. This didn’t worry him too much as pranks were still the only thing on his mind. He just took his needle, his Cobbler’s thread and a little tar and went on his way. He walked and he walked, and every where that he went he got up to his old tricks.
Once, near one village he met a large Drake who was dancing as in a field.
“What’s your name” asked the Cobbler.
“Wojciech Quack” answered the Drake.
“And why are you dancing?”
“Because I’m drunk”. answered the Drake and started to dance.
The Cobbler realized that the Drake must also be a rascal just like him.
“Come with me, it’ll be fun together!”
“Where are you going?” asked the Drake.
“I” said the Cobbler “am going to a place where a certain Cobbler, who has a pair of shoes, lives.”
“Well then, it sounds like you’re going very far!” answered the Drake,”But I’ll go with you because you’ve got ears like I’ve seen before.”
So from then on, they walked together and they were very happy. It turns out that the Drake was an even bigger rascal than the Cobbler and together they played such pranks that made people run a mile.
They walked and they walked until they came across an old man sleeping in the forest. He seemed to be a very nice old man as he smiled in his sleep. However, as soon as the two saw him, they began to think of what kind of trick they could play on him.
“I’ll quack in his ear” said the Drake quietly,
“No, because then he’ll know what your name is” said the Cobbler.
“So, what shall we do?”
“The best thing” said the Cobbler “would be something that would make him angry.”
So he crept up to the old man and he pulled off his shoes. Then he tied the shoelaces together and threw them over a high branch. Afterwards he and the Drake hid behind a tree stump and waited quietly. When the old man woke up he was very sad to see that that someone had stolen his shoes. However, he was also very surprised when he saw them hanging in the air. His face lit up and he reached out with his hand – but then the shoes, as if by magic, moved quickly up the branch.
The old man was even more surprised when the boots came back down again. Once more he tried to catch them, but again they moved up. Finally the old man, got so tired that he sat down on the ground and started to cry bitterly. For, he had no idea that it was Kopytko who was moving the boots up using a piece string. Tears fell down the face of the old man. Kopytko saw this and turned to the Drake and said:
“Mr. Quack, what’s happened to his eyes?”
“I don’t know,” answered the Drake” but I see that they’re completely wet.”
“That’s strange” whispered the Cobbler. “That’s the first time, that I’ve seen something like that.”
He was so curious that he forgot all about the boots and came out from behind the tree and went up to the old man. When the old man saw him, he started to shout:
“Oh woe is me, woe is me!”
“What the matter old man?” asked the Cobbler.
“My boots have run away, and I shall never have another pair.”
“I’ll bring you your boots” said the Cobbler” if you tell me what is running from your eyes.”
“Tears.” answered the old man.
“What are tears?”
The old man was very surprised.
“Have you never cried?” he asked
“I don’t know how to,” answered the Cobbler.
“Can you laugh?”
“Oh yes, I can laugh!”
The Cobbler ran off and came back a moment later carrying the boots. Behind him came the Drake, who was very out of breath.
“Here are your boots, old man” said the Cobbler.
The old man looked at him with a serious expression on his face.
“Did you take them from me?”
“Yes.” answered the Cobbler.
“Why? Did you want to take them?”
“No.”
“So why did you?”
“To upset you, by playing a prank on you.” answered the Cobbler.
“Do you know, that that’s why I was crying,” asked the old man.
“No. Do tears hurt?”
“Very much. And they sting that’s why you should never make anyone cry. Come to me.”
“No” said the Cobbler, “You’re probably going to hit me because I played a prank on you.”
The old man saddened.
“I want to hug you and ask you never to play pranks again”.
The Cobbler approached him nervously and the old man stroked his head.
“What is that?” asked the Cobbler wiping his eyes with his hands.
“Nothing” answered the old man, “just tears. So now you know what it means to cry.”
“But it’s not possible.” said the Cobbler, “You said that tears hurt and sting but these feel nice.”
“Because there are those that fall when a person is happy. I hope that god rewards you with more of those tears. So, don’t play any more pranks that upset people. Have you always played pranks?
“Yes, because I’m Cobbler and I have to be cheerful, as opposed to a carpenter who’s always sad because he has make coffins.”
“I’ll teach you something” said the old man who was still stroking his head. “Be cheerful, but in a nice way, so that people don’t run away from you but that everyone comes to you. Make people happy with your cheerfulness.”
“I don’t know if I know how to,”
“You do. Just do what you can and you’ll see how good it will feel” said the old man and he disappeared.
“Quack” quacked the Drake, loudly “I liked that old man. He wasn’t angry with us at all.”
And they went on their way.
The Cobbler whistled and happily danced and Drake Quack was in such a good mood that he sang such funny songs that a nearby squirrel that heard him had to hold her stomach from laughing too much. The Cobbler felt happy like never before.
They walked like this for weeks and months and whenever they heard of anyone in some town or village that was upset, they would quickly make their way there and cheer them up. Soon, they became famous in the whole land and they both felt very happy.
One day, they were sitting in the forest when a horseman road up to them. He was the messenger of King Jam, who was so rich that he could eat lunch twelve times a day and would move beds thirty-six times during the night when he bored of the bed that he was sleeping on. When the messenger saw the Cobbler and the Drake, he got off his horse and bowed down to them.
“I am a wisest minister of King Jam’s court. Tell me, which one of you gentleman is Cobbler Kopytko and which one Drake Quack?
The Drake split his sides with laughter, at the thought that the wisest minister at court couldn’t tell apart a Cobbler from a Drake.
“I’m Kopykto” said the Cobbler.
“And I’m Mr. Quack” said the Drake who always thought of himself as a Mr.
“In that in case, I’ve been told to inform you that your presence is immediately required at the palace of King Jam who is very ill and sad.
“Oh dear” said the Drake.
“Let’s go!” said Kopytko, “Just tell us which direction.”
“Go the large oak tree, then turn around a thousand times to the right and the go ten steps from the oak to the left, and that’s where the palace is.”
“Quack, “said the Drake.”Why should we turn a thousand times to the right?”
“Because that’s the palace etiquette” said the minister “so that it’s harder to find. But hurry with all that turning, as King Jam may die in the meantime.”
So they went, and they turned a thousand times and they ended up at the palace.
King Jam was moaning and groaning, and princess Marysia was crying so much that a pond formed near the palace, and in the pond golden ducks appeared.
The Cobbler bowed down to the King and asked.
“Have you been ill for long, your majesty?”
“For one hundred and seven years” groaned the King, “That’s when I ate my last meal, and that’s when I lost my crown”
The Cobbler whispered something to the Drake and then they both started to play such pranks that the King had to laugh. The Drake sang such silly songs that everyone spilt their sides with laughter.
But then, something terrible happened. The Cobbler started to make such silly faces that the King laughed so much that he burst. Everyone was in shock but then they saw that from the King’s stomach fell out his crown! When one hundred and seven years ago he had eaten his last lunch, it had fallen from his head onto his plate, and as he was very greedy he ate it along with his soup. That’s why he was ill.
Kopytko didn’t waste any time. He grabbed his needle, tar and Cobbler’s thread and began to stitch up the King’s stomach. He sewed it up very neatly, while the King was still laughing. He laughed like this for another five weeks and when finally he stopped laughing he offered the Cobbler his daughter for a wife, made him a prince and gave him his own coat of arms in with big ears and a needle. He also knighted the Drake.
They all lived happily ever after, except for the Drake, famous Wojciech Quack, who didn’t live long, as one night the royal minister stole him and ate him for dinner.